When I first stepped into the world of sales, the thought of small talk filled me with dread. Every meeting felt like an obstacle course of awkward silences, and I struggled to find common ground with my mostly male clients. Football – the universal icebreaker – wasn’t exactly my forte. Walking into a room, my mind would race, convinced I had nothing to contribute to the conversation.

This fear followed me everywhere. It didn’t just make my job harder; it made my entire day more stressful. Then one day, I watched a Masterclass with Chris Voss, the former FBI negotiator. His approach to conversation was simple yet powerful: ask open-ended questions, listen intently, and let the dialogue unfold naturally.

At first, I was sceptical. Wouldn’t these types of questions feel forced or awkward? I pictured myself blurting out, “So, why are you busy?” only to be met with blank stares. But curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to give it a shot.

And to my surprise – it worked.

I started asking people about themselves, using thoughtful yet effortless questions. “How have you been?” often led to rich, unexpected stories. When someone mentioned being busy, I’d simply echo their words: “Busy?” – and just like that, they’d open up. It felt like discovering a hidden key to meaningful conversations.

Because of that, my meetings transformed. Instead of desperately trying to fill silences, I focused on learning about the person in front of me. Networking events stopped feeling like a battlefield and started feeling like opportunities to connect.

Eventually, my fear of small talk faded. No longer did I walk into meetings gripped by panic. Instead, I approached them with curiosity – even excitement.

I realized the bigger impact these small shifts had on my life. Work became more enjoyable, but so did everything else. Rather than stressing over what I couldn’t control, I started being present, listening, and truly connecting.

All it took was the courage to ask the right questions.