If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess things up”, you’re not alone. That quiet (but constant) chatter in your mind – your inner voice – can be your biggest cheerleader or your harshest critic. And for many of us, it leans way too much towards the latter.

The good news is you can train your inner voice to be kinder, more encouraging, and – ultimately a source of daily happiness.

Here’s why it matters, and some everyday ways to shift your self-talk starting today.

What’s the big deal about self-talk?

Your inner voice shapes how you see yourself, how you handle setbacks, and even how much joy you feel day to day.

If your self-talk is mostly negative, it’s like living with an overly critical roommate who never leaves – exhausting and bad for your mood.

Research shows that harsh self-talk can increase stress, anxiety, and even make you more likely to procrastinate or give up. A supportive inner voice, on the other hand, builds confidence and resilience. It’s not about toxic positivity – it’s about fairness.

How to notice your inner critic

Most of us don’t even realise how mean we can be to ourselves.
Try this quick check-in:

• Do you say things to yourself that you’d never say to a friend?
• Do you replay mistakes or awkward moments over and over?
• Do you brush off your wins but dwell on your flaws?

If any of this sounds familiar – congratulations, you’re normal! And you’re also in the perfect place to make a change.

Here are some simple, everyday ways to train your inner voice to lift you up instead of dragging you down:

1. Name your inner critic

It sounds silly – but giving your critical voice a name helps you see it as separate from you. Next time you catch yourself spiralling, say: “okay, brenda, that’s enough for today.” The distance can break the pattern.

2. Flip the script

When you catch a negative thought, ask: “what would I say to a friend in this situation?” Then say it to yourself.

Example:

• Inner critic: “you’re terrible at your job.”
• You to a friend: “hey, you’re having a tough day, but look how far you’ve come.”

 3. Keep a ‘kind words’ note

Start a note on your phone. Whenever someone compliments you – a nice email, good feedback, or a kind word – write it down. On rough days, read it back to remind yourself you’re not as hopeless as your inner critic claims.

4. Try the “yet” trick

If your inner voice loves absolutes (like “I can’t do this”), add yet to the end:
“I can’t do this… yet.”
It turns dead ends into open doors.

 5. Make it a habit

Your brain loves repetition. So the more you practice gentle self-talk, the easier it gets. Try setting a daily reminder: “how am I speaking to myself today?”

Tiny check-ins add up.

The bottom line

You’ll never silence your inner voice completely – and you don’t need to. But you can retrain it to be a little kinder, a little more encouraging, and a lot more on your side.

Because you deserve a voice in your head that roots for you, not against you. And a happier you starts right there.